Supporting a Loved one with Chronic Illness
Last week my dearest soul friend had a partial lobotomy to remove the part of her brain that has caused her seizures. Kendra, who is a life coach, was diagnosed with epilepsy at the beginning of the pandemic. Through her chronic illness, she continues to face her diagnosis with courage and self-compassion. I’m not an expert on supporting people with chronic illness; however, I am sharing my key takeaways to offer humble guidance on supporting a loved one with chronic illness.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. When someone is initially diagnosed with a chronic illness they are grappling with the information. Asking questions and compassionately discussing their journey destigmatizes the diagnosis and helps them feel supported. It is important that the person who is ill knows that they do not have to traverse this new ground alone.
Make space for their grief, and yours. With chronic illness the roles of the relationship may change, moving from equal partner or fun friend to that of caretaker. It is important for you to reflect and acknowledge the losses you are both feeling.
Stay connected. We need connection to heal trauma. Chronic illness can bring isolation, traumatic stress, pain, and economic hardship. Community can create a salve for the daily pain and fatigue your loved one maybe experiencing. Be specific and direct about the ways you want to help. For example, ask if they would like to do a weekly zoom date or if they want you to organize a meal train. By providing specific ways to help, you can ease their mental load.
Manage your boundaries. “Boundaries are the space where I can love you and me simultaneously” (Prentis Hemphill). When we cross our boundaries, we resent and begin to use our defenders in our relationships. Unfortunately, some people will have to manage their chronic illness for the rest of their lives. It is important for you to reflect on what kind of support you can provide that is sustainable for your self-care and the care of your loved one.
